The tips below are excerpted from the (funny) article Baby Name Optimization by David Berkowitz.
Below are ten tips for baby name optimization. Note that while this is tongue-in-cheek, these best practices can be applied to your business. You'd want to research potential business and product names for what listings come up in major search engines, and you'd often be wise to apply many of the baby name optimization tactics that follow.
1) Write a press release the day your baby's born with the baby's name in the headline, and optimize the entire release. As soon as the little one takes its first breath, he or she can even appear in the body of Google's natural search results thanks to universal search.
2) Buy all potential domain name misspellings of your baby's name. If you're blessed with ample foresight or come from an ages-old tradition of arranged marriages, buy versions of the last name of any potential suitor you have in mind. Redirect the names to your baby's main dot-com domain.
3) Film the birth and syndicate it to dozens of video sites. One of those sites will have to be around by the time of your kid's communion or bar mitzvah, right? On your primary domain, optimize the video by tagging every second of it so those clips are accessible to search engine spiders.
4) Blog as if you're the baby. Then, when your kid is old enough to blog, you can hand it over to your child, or you can go on blogging as if you're his or her therapist.
5) Tag your baby.
6) Create a Wikipedia entry for your baby. If it's rejected, claim that one of the parents is Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie, Paris Hilton, David Arquette, Oprah, or all of the above.
7) Googlebomb your baby's domain around the phrase "world's cutest baby," "future Nobel laureate," or "Harvard class of 2025." It reminds me of an old joke, where a parent is asked how old her children are and responds, "The doctor is three and the lawyer is two." The scary thing: some parent is reading this column right now and starting such a Googlebomb.
8) Digg your baby.
9) Be sure to update meta tags every so often, as your kid's prom date would be horrified to see "spitting up" and "potty training" as some of his or her most relevant keywords.
10) Every few years, change your child's name to something new that has less search competition. Though beware... this will bring an entirely new meaning to the phrase "your baby's in the sandbox."
